I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
