How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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