I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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