I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
