We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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