this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
