he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I forget how to act sober
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
