idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My boob is missing a layer of skin
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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