I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
