my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Someone signed my nipple.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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