If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
