Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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