If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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