why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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