What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
