Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
