i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
