piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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