we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
