The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
