I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
