...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
