dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
ok first of all what the fuck
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
