i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
