Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
