You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
