I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
