Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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