chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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