I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
