i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
