We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
