i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
