I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
