We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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