I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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