This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
