If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
