haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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