I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Panties = found
Randomize
