is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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