I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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