I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
