also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
