somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
