A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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