It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
