i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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