he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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