Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
