So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
