saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
