we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
