Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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